So this post has been sitting in my drafts unfinished ever since I started this blog, the intention was to make this my first blog, now I am currently off sick and told to rest so here goes.....
So a little history.....
I guess I should talk about what is actually going on and the whole reason why I need to blog!
Well....
Me and husband D have been married now for 6 years, together for 11.
Kids have always been on the cards but we decided to wait until we bought a house, got married, I completed my degree etc.
I was on the contraceptive pill Loestrin but in October 2013 I had a breakthrough bleed (shouldn't have any bleeds whilst on Loestrin) I had finished my degree in September 2013 and we were planning to start TTC in March 2014 after our 'last big holiday' so we decided I would stop the pill in October and 'be careful' up until March when we would 'properly' start trying. Between October and March there were a couple of times in which we weren't quite so careful, due to lack of supplies......though nothing happened. Whilst we weren't to concerned as ideally didn't want to get pregnant then anyway, it did get my mind wandering.
We did however start trying in March.......during the holiday ;)
After my bleed in October I then didn't have another one until May, and then the following January! And after trying since March we knew something was wrong....
We did everything right too, maybe too right! I quit smoking, didn't drink any alcohol what so ever (accept on a cheeky break away to Berlin in October 2014) ate really healthily and exercised regularly, I treated my body as if I was already pregnant.
December 2014 I wasn't feeling quite right, I had tender boobs, feeling nauseous and fatigued, could this be it? I began to get excited, thinking maybe....?! I therefore did a pregnancy test......but it was a big fat NO!! I talked with my sister who had a pregnancy at 16 ending in miscarriage and had very similar symptoms to her, she too did a pregnancy test too which was negative, she went to her GP who did a blood test and found her to be pregnant! ....some hope?! I therefore then went to my GP who agreed to do a blood test, but.......NO!!! A week or so later was when I had a period, which was probably the symptoms I had been feeling.
From then I had more regular periods, well give or take about 10 days each side!! But at least I was having them! We continued to try but to no avail.
We had agreed we wouldn't track ovulation or make things to 'clinical' we wanted to keep the magic between us, our sex life has always been passionate and loving and we wanted it to stay like that, we didn't want sex to become just about making a baby. However me with my medical brain and needing to know everything started researching...I downloaded an app to track my cycle and how I was feeling etc, we agreed that I could know when I was ovulating but wouldn't tell D.
We used the app for several months but with my periods being irregular it was hard to track. I went to my GP in the late spring but they wouldn't refer us to a fertility clinic until we had been trying for 2 years which was in the October. He did however agree to do a scan due to me having heavy and painful periods. The scan was in the June (little did I know this would be the first of MANY!!!). The scan showed signs of PCOS however this could not be diagnosed by a scan alone. I then went for a blood test, which confirmed I had PCOS I also was showing raised TFT (thyroid) levels which is something that had been picked up the previous year when I had pancreatitis.
Looking back PCOS did fit, I have had many symptoms, though not all, and typically do not fit all the boxes! I am not obese though I do find it very hard to lose weight and am on the larger size of average being a UK size 12-14, I eat healthily and exercise regularly the moment I stop, weight gain is probably faster than someone without PCOS. I also suffer with a bloated stomach, which is horribly embarrassing, and quite heart wrenching when insensitive fuckwits decide to state that I look pregnant!!!
So we had an explanation for infertility but still not quite at 2 years for a referral to the clinic, however the GP was great and sent D for semen analysis in preparation. The clinic required 2 samples for referral. So D went ahead and did his thing ;p .........The results were great he had a higher than average sperm count (or so we thought), he was jumping for joy, we both were, though now it was on me, it was all my fault......
October 2015 came around and we had our first (of many!!!) appointment at the fertility clinic, feeling nervous and anxious and not sure quite what to expect.
The nurse was great, however she had some shocking news for us.....whilst D had high sperm count, the GP failed to mention that the quality was poor, low motility, morphology etc. That hit us like a train, him especially. I also had another scan at the clinic to confirm PCOS, it also showed that my left ovary was enlarged. Along with more blood tests which showed my TFT to now be normal!
The next stage was for me to have a HSG exam to test to see the patency of my tubes, and so commence the agonising journey of constant wait and disappointment that is infertility! At our clinic the HSG had to be performed within 10 days of day 1 of my period, and bleeding had to have stopped for 24 hours, the clinic only performed the HSG on a Tues/Wed, it took 5 months for me to fall on the right day and them not have a training day/leave etc, at the time this was agonising...the wait..constant disappointment...little did we know this was minimal compared to what was to come.
So March 2016 and the HSG appointment finally happened, D happened to be really ill at the time, I was very stoical about it and was going to go on my own, I have a lot of friends and an amazing sister but I hate to admit when I need someone, and hate to put on others.....however my boss who I also now consider one of my closest friends (a mother figure) is quite intuitive and very similar to myself, worked this out and insisted on coming with me, I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was actually very greatful! So I went in for the exam, having been seen in my hospital gown by my boss! Haha! (Though I didn't really care ;) ) PAINFUL!! Fuck me that was painful! And I think a few Fucks and inappropriate humour flew out of my mouth! I laid there with the screen behind me....I couldn't help myself and watched it, with my medical but no experience in radiography mind, the right side flowed beautifully...but the left... now the left looked different, nothing was happening, I asked them if there was an issue with the left but they wouldn't tell me until my appointment a few weeks later, however I knew....
So a few weeks later we went for our follow-up appointment, and low and behold I was correct, I also had a blocked left fallopian tube. So along with Ds issues this meant that I couldn't go down the usual treatment route for PCOS and have metformin/clomid, the only option was to go straight for ICSE.
So scared.....excited....hopeful....not really knowing what to think/feel......thats what we did!
'The batch' that we would be in would be August 2016.....that post will be coming soon!!
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