So its been a while....Ive been on and off twitter lately....
TBH I've been on and off life!
I have been so up and down, Ive even questioned as to whether I'm bi-polar or something? I'm not, I know I'm not! Though it is one of my greatest fears, my Mum is....my Grandad was.....:o
So I do always fear, but I am 30 now, and been through a lot of things, people haven't experienced by the time they're 60. So I'm guessing if it was going to it would have happened, or there would have been signs by now?? I discussed with it my husband, and hes been feeling the same as me, so we've come to the conclusion its environmental! Studies suggest that IVF/ICSI can be as stressful as cancer, and you know what, I can quite believe that!! But how can you say that to people?! People...unless they have been through IVF/ICSI they don't get it, some try, some don't, but don't think many would accept its as stressful as cancer!
This leads me to todays rant, Ive said this many times before, I have a lot of friends, to which I am very grateful. Most are wonderful, some not so much, and this journey certainly either brings them closer or pushes them away. There are a few though, not sure if anyone else experiences it, but those friends who seem to be absolutely incredible in a crisis, when things go wrong, you're feeling a mess, they are there, there in a heartbeat, and amazing at that moment in time, though what they don't seem to realise, is that next day, that next time they see me, when I seem 'OK' I have my wall up, my fake but believable smile, underneath I am actually still not 'OK,' and I still need them, I need them to be normal, I need them to do those normal fun things, but they don't, they think I'm fine so they walk away they leave me to it, which then makes me feel alone. But those friends seem to want to be around when I'm sad and in a crisis, but when I'm happy, silly or even drunk, they don't want to know or they even push me away! But surely I must be nicer to be around, when I'm my usual happy, positive self?! I just don't get it!!! Answers on a postcard please!!!
But anyway my last post I was feeling more positive.....well....I can be....some days!!! But I'm still getting those bastard negative days! I think those bastard hormones are still playing havoc! I'm still in limbo, we're still in Limbo, me and D.
I think that's whats so frustrating that uncertainty, the unknown, that limbo! But hopefully we'll have some answers soon, we have an appointment with the consultant next week, 14th Feb, our 7yr wedding anniversary! Hopefully that will bring us some luck :o
In the mean time Ive been trying to be pro active, Ive been having acupuncture, Ive had 3 sessions so far, and I Love it!! I feel amazing after, so chilled and calm, Ive been sleeping better since and no more hot flushes (MY GOD THEY SUCK!!!!). Though I still haven't seen AF, I am now on day 65 of my cycle!!!!! What the F is going on there?!?! My acupuncturist is lovely, and is in a very remote peaceful location however has been quite unreliable, so tomorrow I am going to a traditional chinese acupuncturist, kinda nervous, kinda excited!!
Anyway hopefully will have some updates and less limbo talk soon!
