So last Friday was my first scan this current FET cycle since starting the oestrogen pills and patches. I had done everything correctly, eaten everything that could possibly help, tried to continue as normal life as possible, and tried not to stress about things to much. However......guess what.........my fucking lining is still to thin!!!! FFS!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!! It was at 4.7mm, the hope was I would be almost ready, and ready for transfer the following week! But nope!! That morning me and D were discussing the possible outcome, and both were a bit pessimistic about it, pretty much expecting the outcome we had. However I still was hoping, Im sure we both were, that just this once, perhaps things could be a little straight forward, but who are we fucking kidding, eh?! The palpitations and the anxiety were back this day too, a little concerned we mentioned it to the nurse, which fortunately was nurse K (the nice one), however her surprising response was to ask the pharmacist, as it wasnt a symptom she was aware of, you fucking what?!?! Ask the pharmacist?!?! I of course did, however we were pretty taken aback by this, I mean seriously?! Is that not her job????? If she doenst know, then she should fucking find out! Not get the patient tooo!!!!! GRRRRRRRR!!!!! Any how, off we went to pharmacy, and spoke to the lovely pharmacist, he felt that the symptoms were most probably due to the patches, and suggested the clinic check oestrogen levels and perhaps reduce the dose. This wasnt good news, I knew I needed the patches to be able to increase the lining. But thought I better go back and tell nurse K. She stated she would need to speak to the consultant, and would call me later in the day. So off I went back to work, painfully awaiting that phonecall. I was feeling pretty rough, spaced out, palpitations, and just generally off. My boss was a little concerned, and was very kind and supportive that day, which was much appreciated!
So the phonecall came, and the consultant too, hadn't come across these symptoms before, he stated it could either be due to the medications, or could be the stress of the situation. Nurse K stated he had given two options;
1) Abandon this cycle, if symptoms subside then we could assume it is due to the medications.
2) Persevere and re scan on Tuesday, though if symptoms worsen to stop and go and have investigations.
I chose option 2.
I continued to feel pretty crap that day, my mind was all over the place and I really couldn't think straight. One of our big bosses happened to be around who knows my situation, and for someone of his position, and importance, he is always surprisingly very kind and concerned about my fertility journey, always very interested and shows a lot of compassion and support towards the situation. My boss informed him of how I was feeling that day, he suggested taking my blood pressure which was 134/90, which is pretty high, especially for me! I have never suffered from high BP, in fact I am generally the opposite and usually have a low reading. I monitored it over the weekend, and by Monday it was more normal for me and was 108/80. When leaving work that Friday, I was still feeling pretty rotten and spaced out, and when backing away in the car park, in our relatively new car, I hit my sisters car!!!!! I burst into tears, came running in to tell her, apologising profusely. And bless her, she really couldn't give two shits about the car, but was hugely concerned at the state I was in! Fortunately both cars had only minor scratches!
The next day I was in work again, still feeling pretty rough, I had an awful nights sleep, kept being jolted awake by palpitations and feelings of anxiety. Late in the morning I had a panicked phonecall from my Gran, stating my mum had had a fall, she had no idea where she was, or how she was, but had a call from a member of the public who stated she had called an ambulance. I phoned our local emergency department who informed me she was en route, I met her there. Fortunately she appeared OK, she was alert and talking, but rather sore and shaken. The ambulance crew were concerned she had a TIA (mini stroke) and were also concerned for her well being, as she was very vague and looked unkempt. I gave them some history, informing them of her mental health problems etc. She was examined and fortunately had no injuries and they don't think she had a TIA, and advised her to to go to her GP on Monday. Me and my sister took her to the GP, who was great, I'm pretty sure our fertility clinic, could learn a lot from her, in regards to compassion and listening to the patient!! So the GP is referring her to neurology, falls clinic and also social services to hopefully get more support at home or to perhaps move her to a more supportive setting. It feels pretty crap that we're having to think down those lines given Mum is only 58! But hey just add it all to the pile of crap that I'm already dealing with!
So the next day, was the Tuesday, time for the scan. The silver lining of Fridays appointment was that the horrible sonographer was going on holiday for 2 weeks! Whoop whoop!! That means we don't have to deal with her for the rest of this cycle!! So this appointment we had a much nicer lady, who showed so much more privacy and dignity! It was a real treat! However the scan was still not great, it was now 5.6mm, so heading in the right direction but still not as good as required. So again off we went, feeling numb, and a little fraught, patiently awaiting another phonecall following discussion with the consultant. I was pretty much expecting him to say he would abandon, but to our surprise the nurse called to state that if I'm feeling OK to do so, then I could carry on until Friday, which I of course have agreed to do. The palpitations and anxiety were still around but had significantly reduced.
The following day I had an acupuncture session. The lady I see is so kind and caring, and bless her she really is taking this whole situation to heart!! She kept apologising that things aren't going to plan, and was very frustrated at the whole thing! It was a great session, alongside the acupuncture she did a facial/head and neck massage, and wow afterwards I felt great! I felt so relaxed and much more positive. Well that was until later that evening, when D arrived late home from work......
I was in the lounge, when I heard him come in shouting;
'don't panic I'm OK, but Ive been knocked off my motorbike!'
At this point I couldn't see him, my heart fell into my stomach, I immediately jumped up and ran to him, to find him looking pale, tearful, shaken and hobbling!! It was a pretty terrifying evening, discussing what happened, and my mind flicking through would could have happened! After a trip to our local MIU any breaks were ruled out, and he just has soft tissue damage to his foot and thigh. The beautiful bike however is pretty battered and will most probably be written off :( Which is pretty heartbreaking for D, its his pride and joy, and his escape, even for me too, on Sunday we had a lovely blast around together to clear our heads;
But anyway fortunately he is physically OK, so we must be very thankful for that, but it really did top off a pretty stressful past week!!! So surely things can only get better??!?!? Please tell me they cannot get any worse!!!!!
Well lets await the next scan and see..............
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