NFAW and a Podcast!

So this week it is 'National Fertility Awareness Week' or 'NFAW' here in the UK.

It is also the year that IVF turns 40! Isn't that incredible?! 40 years since the birth of the first IVF conceived child! IVF really is a miracle, and whilst it only works 30% of the time, that's still a huge percentage of people who 40 years ago, it would have been game over. Whilst IVF treatment is no ball in the park, it puts your body through hell, and puts you through emotional turmoil..... the positive lovely side of me can't help thinking.....how lucky are we really that we have this chance!? Whilst us poor souls who are on the fucked up infertility rollercoaster, are incredibly unlucky to be on this shitty journey, it must be said that we are lucky to be able to be given the chance of attempting IVF. It certainly aint pretty or fun, but imagine what it was like 40+ years ago, to not even be given the chance to try, to be given no hope, and a mere 30% chance.....nothing. So as much as I hate infertility, I hate this journey, and I feel incredibly unlucky, I am glad IVF exists and I am glad we have the chance to at least try.

This week is not just about IVF, it is about raising awareness of infertility, it surprised me to realise that 1 in 6 couples struggle to conceive! But even with numbers that high, people are still unaware. I was pretty naive to it all, until I went through it myself, as Im sure many people are. Which is why it is so often difficult to talk about, as people are so unaware, and have little or no understanding of what we have to endure.

In particular it is often difficult for men to talk about infertility, even now in our 'modern' times, 'equal opporuintites' and all that, in the world of infertility it is very much focused on the woman. I think I've mentioned before every time we go for an appointment, even when I've not been having treatment and it is a consultation, they always call my name, never Ds. I've always found this very odd, and uncaring towards D. Even worse, he has NEVER, NEVER been asked how he is!!! How this is all making him feel etc. Even when he's had to do his 'thing' there has been little support offered to him. Well theres been little support offered to the both of us, really, but even less to him! Now if this is how the specialists treat men, its no wander society does the same. There is little awareness about male infertility, it seems it is often automatic for infertility to be assumed, as a female as apose to a male problem. However this week with it being NFAW there seems to be quite a lot of emphasis on male infertility, this is fantastic!! Lets hope it encourages more men to talk and seek support, but also more than that, the clinics, the damn clinics need to be supporting our men!!! FFS!!!! Come on!!

A few weeks ago D took part in a study by Shafali Arya (twitter: @infertility247). She is talking to men to collate evidence, looking at how men are treated, or 'not' treated. I believe she may need more men to take part, so please do get in contact with her. In order to make positive changes research needs to be undertaken.
I was quite in awe when D undertook this study, I was present when he was being interviewed, and it really made me stop and think, how much he's hurting too. I also haven't given him enough credit for how much he knows and has understood. Whilst we do talk, and are there for each other, we don't 'really' talk, we don't get down to that deep stuff. We're both terrible at that, I really hate talking, hence why I blog, and he covers up feelings with humour. But hearing him talk to Shafali made me appreciate him even more!

Now, with NFAW in full flow, I almost feel a little hypocritical that I don't necessarily share much about my own infertility journey with those around me, again hence why I blog, now why is that?! Is it fear for what people might say? What they might not say? What they might say behind my back? Will they judge? Or is it that Im just a very private person?? And I hate talking! Most probably a little of all of the above! However I do hope that by blogging, it is not only a vent and an outlet for me, in my safe place, I hope that it might also be a little informative to those reading, and at least raise a little awareness, that you're certainly not alone!

There are a lot of inspiring people out there, particularly in the land of twitter, there are many people I follow that I am in awe over! Several volunteer with Fertility Network UK etc. And many blog. Particularly this week there are several, taking part in interviews, blogging, tweeting etc. All in the hope of raising some awareness and making some positive changes. I want to do more myself, at some point, sometime.......hopefully soon! Its been on my mind for a while to start some sore of support group? There is nothing where I live, not that I am obviously aware of anyway. I seriously need to do something about it, I need to make this more of a thought, and I will, perhaps when Im in a better place with my own journey.

Talking of inspiring people, those that are informative, and raising awareness. The podcast I did with the fabulous Natalie Silverman got realised this week. You can listen here;

http://www.thefertilitypodcast.com/hopingttc/

and do have a good look around her site and have a listen to some of her other podcasts. I really have learnt so much from listening to her. Of all the blogs and research I have undertaken, I can safely say I have found Natalie's podcast to be one of the most informative and reliable sources. She has been through her own infertility journey, and now experiencing secondary infertility. So she gets it, she gets how shitty this infertility world can be. And she is doing positive things to help make this shitty journey that little bit easier, that little bit more informed.

So currently I am part through my FET cycle #2, today I feel OK, I have a scan tomorrow which I am nervously awaiting, so today I have kept myself very busy! This cycle I have been much more emotionally stable, and not quite so symptomatic, though that worries me slightly, as does that mean the drugs are working OK???? Though I had a horrendous nights sleep on Tues evening, as I had awful palpitations, and felt horrendously anxious. Anxiety is not something I suffer from, so it was a very strange feeling indeed, and made me feel pretty awful right up until Wednesday evening. I even contemplated calling the clinic, but I had that fear that might tell me to stop! Which is pretty silly that I would risk it, but hey, us who are going through this awful shit, know that you really will put your body through whatever it takes!

So how am I feeling about tomorrows scan?? I seriously couldn't tell you! I haven't purposely made myself busy today, but it is often a coping mechanism of mine, and it really does help. I seriously can't relax! I don't feel as positive this time round. Not sure why? But I also don't feel to depressed about it right now. Maybe its'  another coping mechanism?? Maybe Im subtly preparing myself for bad news. Hey, why not right?? The odds are against me, Ive yet to have some good news! Its never been plain sailing! I feel almost a bit numb to it all right now. Like Im just swept up in it all, and just plodding along. Its all very strange, but hey thats the fucked up world of infertility!! Right?!?!