So this time it was a much more pleasant experience, well I'm not sure pleasant is the right word, I don't think someone shoving something up your foo, in a non romantic way is ever really pleasant! But none the less, it was much less awful! And that was because it was a different sonographer, whoop whoop!!! And my goodness what a difference! She stood behind the curtain to allow me to get undressed in private, she checked my D.O.B, she showed interest when I was telling her about all the interesting things I've been eating, and what a difference it makes just to be met by a smile and some dignity, it may seem small, but actually to the patient, it makes a huge difference. A lot of my anxiety lately have been surrounding clinic appointments and the awful staff we sometimes come across. Speaking of things I have been eating, last week following off loading on my blog post, I went raging down to sainsbury's, with the mentality of 'fuck you nurse, bloody well tell me there is nothing I can do to help thicken my lining' well this is what I came back with......
So at least no one can say I didn't try!! Ive also been using some of the recipes from the Emma Cannon book 'Fertile' Ive only briefly looked at it so far, but what I have seen and cooked has been delicious! Im also planning on spending some time this eve/tomorrow (depending on how I feel) batch cooking a load of soups, was hoping it would be for the 2ww but.....
This mornings appointment wasn't all good news, I went in with high hopes today, I have been resting, eating right (see above pic), using warm compress etc, but nope! Thats still not enough! My effing body really does like to play games! However its not terrible, my lining is 6mm at its biggest some areas are 5.5mm, so no transfer this week :( FET was originally planned for Wed. Today we were told this by a nice young nurse, who actually showed some compassion and concern at how emotional I have been, though she gave me reassurance that it is all normal with buserelin, unfortunately I seem to be very sensitive to the side effects, so we were sent home to await a call following a discussion with the consultant.
We left the hospital, D went back to work, I went to see my Mum, who surprisingly was actually quite supportive and concerned by the situation, I then went to see my Gran who I expected to be more supportive than my mum, but to my surprise really didn't seem to understand the situation, she did express her concern for me, but this was more towards the end of the visit, after spending about 30 mins of hearing her bitch about my mum! This has been a constant battle for years, my Gran is awesome, she really is an incredible lady who has been through some horrific times, but she seriously does not understand mental illness, and is really not understanding of my mum (her daughter) its a vicious cycle and a complex situation, so I shall not bore with the details on the blog, it is just another one of those situations which makes the whole infertility bullshit even harder to deal with.
Throughout both visits I had in the back of my head, what will they do now?? Will they continue maybe increase the oestrogen??? Or will they abandon??? Each time I come away still not knowing, forgetting to ask, what happens? what is the protocol???? Will they just keep going?? Keep pushing until my lining is thick enough??? Or is it like when they go for EC, and when not responding, they abandon??? Again no one has told us.....no surprises there!!
However, whilst at my Grans I received a phonecall.........and.........PHEW!!!! They are not going to abandon, I had to go back to the clinic to get some oestrogen patches, to use in addition to the pills and buserelin, and then return to the clinic on Friday for a scan, so again.......
..... WE WAIT!!!!!!!!!!
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